First post for the year (and i wish i had something happier to write about)
Last month, I texted most of my friends and relatives to ask for their prayers. My uncle was in the hospital for another open heart surgery (He had one less than 7 years ago). I was shocked when I heard the news. I did things I haven’t done for so long — read the Bible, go to church, pray.
We were praying for a miracle. It was short-lived. His heart stopped bleeding (after 15 hours of operation) so they brought him to the ICU. The doctors still didn’t stitch up his chest because they wanted to be sure that his heart won’t bleed again. They said it was a miracle. Merely three hours after that, my uncle passed away.
I didn’t know about it until I went home. My grandmother (and my parents) opted not to tell me while I was alone in Manila.
It was quite a shock went I arrived at home. The signs were there: My dad was home (though it was just around 4pm); There are other vehicles parked in front of the house; When I went inside, there were flowers, candles and a blown-up picture of my uncle above the piano; My mom had this strange look on her face — about to cry yet trying to smile.
The first words I said were, "No, no, no…"
Given the same situation, I think just about everyone would be rendered speechless.
My mother hugged me. She said it was for the best. I cannot believe it. I refused to believe it.
Days, weeks after that, I still find myself crying everytime I remember. He was (I actually typed "is"…) a very nice person. No one would disagree to that. He was nice to everyone.
It’s just so hard to lose someone you love dearly. It’s hard to let go. But then again, at some point in my life, I have to begin to do just that. Now, I’m trying. I know I will miss him terribly (especially when I go online, during family occasions, holidays…) and I see nothing wrong with that. I just hope for the day that I will miss him without the pain. Knowing how I feel about it makes me even feel worse when I think about how my mom feels because I know her grief far exceeds mine.
This event, however, taught me things in life that I’ve known since childhood but I’ve neglected growing up. Going to church, reading the Bible and praying. After all, Uncle Jhay always (ALWAYS!) advised me to pray.
February 11th, 2007 at 2:35 am
Dear Ate Laine,
When we lose the ones we love, we don’t lose them all at once. Losing them comes slowly, as their possessions are given away or burned, as their scents begin to fade, as little pieces of them gradually slip our grasps. Be strong. The time will come when you will remember your memories with him with a smile. He seemed like a good man, because someone like you loved him very much. Kaya Ate, continue on with life with a smile. We both know he would have wanted that for you.:)